This is going to do a really short post talking about my life and how I'm finding my book because I have been really busy all day and don't feel great.
Today I bought another book...oops. It was £2 in a charity shop. It is Six Of Crows.
I really need to stop.
(WARNING: I AM SUPER MISERABLE IN THIS POST AND IF THIS IS THE FIRST BLOG POST OF OUR YOU EVER READ THEN...I PROMISE I AM NOT ALWAYS THIS IRRITABLE)
She's actually really sweet and kind and supportive and funny and amazing and beautiful but none of you get to meet her in real life unfortunately :(
It is 10:11 in the evening right now. I hate evenings because I always think of death and my fears when I'm alone and it freaks me out. I also think about people I feel like I've lost or losing. And the horrible parts of my past.
I'm really jolly aye! {Seriously? Aye? You have sunken so low}
I'm 200 pages through Only Ever Yours. It's absolutely amazing right now, it's probably not making me feel any better but it's okay because I'll be okay tomorrow :-)
I don't want to go back to school, I really dislike most people in my school (if you have stumbled across this blog and you are in my year and have found out who I am then...I'm sorry).
Apparently things get better as you move up through the school but it hasn't really turned out like that for me...this is a brief summary of my years of secondary school --->>>
Year 7: - I was really happy
- I got good grades
- I had a few close friends
- I was super confident
- I was generally a good person to be around
Year 8: - I had my first panic attack
- I turned into a right bitch {completely untrue}
- I tried to be someone who I really wasn't
- I would walk out my lessons
- I dressed in a way that wasn't for me (tight jeans and cropped tops)
- I was super attention seeking {don't feel bad I did that too}
- I cried practically everyday
- I wore makeup even though I really didn't want to
- You get the idea
Year 9: - Started off around the same
- I got a counsellor who didn't really help
- I realised that I am attracted to women (i'd been obvious to other people before (apparently) but I had never really thought about it before)
- I was trying to get over my horrible Year 8 experiences
- I was still pretty much hating life
- I met my dance teacher and started feeling a stronger connection with dance (which helped me more than you can imagine)
- I met my best friends/ got closer to my best friends
- I started getting much better grades {thanks to me doing her maths homework for her over FaceTime ;)}
- I started reading more
- I started loving myself much more
- I started getting teased but I try to ignore it
So that is practically my secondary school experience so far. Quite bad really but I hope next year will be a turn around. I actually feel much better after writing this post. I feel like I have blurted it out to the internet which is not always the best idea but...erm oh well!
Sorry for the sloppy grammar etc but it's late and its now 10:51 in the evening.
Happy Reading,
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